Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
