yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
