I just cut my nipple shaving
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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