It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
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after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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