Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
