Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
