I think i peed on brittanys purse
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
God I need to hump something, right now.
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