Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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