best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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