I like my sex mixed with concussions.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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