Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
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....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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