Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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