Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
its liver damage thursday
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
