he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
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Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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