My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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