I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
