I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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