My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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