i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
