I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
