even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
