finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
