i think i have two assholes
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
