so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Still dying that you shit outside
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
