I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
