So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
no, he came in my armpit
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
