You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
