I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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