EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize