the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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