I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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