I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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