I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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