he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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