drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do vagina's smell?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
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I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
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She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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