Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
