We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
false alarm. still invincible.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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