I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
