textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is the high leading the old right now
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
