It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
