I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
