omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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