He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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