i can't believe i had my finger in that
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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