well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
