How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
