I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
