i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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