I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
