Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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