I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
