this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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