but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize