I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
