I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
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And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
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Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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