so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
