don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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