my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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