Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
