why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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