Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
